I'm sure, like me, you have more than one favorite line from the show.  Share them with us and if at all possible, tell us which episode the quote comes from.  If you don't know, share your favorite quote anyway.  Just reading them will bring a smile to my face so I'm looking forward to seeing them.

"The first thing is did was pay for my on cheese sandwich." - Barney (The Darling Baby)

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    • Don't forget the head nod.  He delivers that with style.

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    • I don't mind ordinary conversation, but I hate to chit chat.
  • "Shew Fly, Shew! He's Dead!- "The Pickle Story"


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    • Ha ha...I don't think I've ever noticed that quote about breathing!  Thank you for posting it...I need to go watch that episode!

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    • Nobody can pick one...that's the beauty of this site.  When you think of a great line, you can come back here and post it for all to read and laugh about.  One of my favorite scenes, or to fit the topic..many lines all put together, it the "Poor Horatio" segment with Andy and Opie in the courthouse ("Opie's Charity").  I roll every time I see it.

      Opie: I've never seen one.
      Andy: One what?
      Opie: A half a boy.

  • BARN: Oh, he's loaded.

    Floyd: I wonder how he got all that money.

    Barn: You kiddin? Wilson's Orthopedic Insoles?

    Floyd: That's the Charlie Wislon we know?

    Barn: Yeah . . . got out of the fruit stand business and made a bundle.....he's a smart man......knew where the money was.

    FLOYD: There's a lot of bad feet in this country.

    BARN: Daddy you are sooo right.

  • I know this is MUCH more than one line but I LOVE THIS. It's from "The Darling Baby". Enjoy. :

    BARNEY: You know, a few years back a similar thing happened to me.
    ANDY: Yeah?
    BARN: Maybe I never told you about it. The girls name was Halcyon Loretta
    ANDY: Pretty name.
    BARN: Ugliest girl you ever saw in your life. What happened was her father got it in
    his head that I should marry Halcyon. You know, he saw my picture in the
    paper. You remember when I won that church raffle--four free haircuts?
    ANDY: Oh, yeah. Picture's all over the front page.
    BARN: You know how that affects people. The go crazy. Right away, he saw civil
    servant, security. Right? Then he saw unmarried, and at the time I was only
    ANDY: Thirty.
    BARN: Right. He saw in me an untapped source of lifetime happiness for his ugly
    daughter. So, needless to say they got my phone number from the barber
    and the rest is history
    ANDY: I don't believe I ever heard of it.
    BARN: You didn't? Well I'll tell ya', it's like a tale outta two cities.
    First, I only saw the old man for about a week. He made me a
    tempting offer: third interest in a prune-pitting operation.
    ANDY: There's a lot of money in that.
    BARN: Well, you gotta like it. Full use of the company car, an interest
    in the family home, and a beautiful hillside plot in the
    Mt. Pilot cemetery.
    ANDY: That burial plot alone is worth a fortune.
    BARN: You know me. When opportunity knocks, ol' Barn's got to at least take a
    peek and see if there's anybody on the stoop. Anyway, the old man made a
    date for all of us to meet down at Klein's Coffeehouse for American cheese
    and garni.
    ANDY: Yeah. You finally met her, huh?
    BARN: Oh boy.
    ANDY: Not to pretty?
    BARN: Beasto maristo. I'll tell ya', that cheese sandwich stuck right there for about
    three days.
    ANDY: How'd you finally get off the hook?
    BARN: Well, first of all, I paid for my own cheese sandwich.
    ANDY: Wipe out any obligations.
    BARN: Right. Then I took the old man to one side and I told him straight out, N-O,
    a flat no dice.......But he kept after me, letters phone calls, driving that
    company car by all shiny and new. But I held my ground. Pretty soon he got
    the idea, and that was the end of it.
    ANDY: Whatever happened to Halcyon?
    BARN: Well, you know she went east to one of them schools where they trim you
    down, clear your skin, make you walk around with a book on your head.
    ANDY: Don't tell me she turned out to be beautiful?
    BARN: No. She's still ugly, single, and pitting prunes.

  • I agree with scott e. hopkins. With that faraway look in his eyes, Barney proclaims " Boy, giraffes are selfish."
  • Andy(to Goober) I'm going over to Helen's to eat my third supper, and when I get back, I'm gonna kill you.  (from Dinner at Eight)

  • "Ain't chicken spelled '...i-n' ?" – Barney

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